A reflection looks back at you. The question is, “What do you see?”
My daughter and I had a long conversation last week over a short phrase found in Emerson’s “Nature” relating to finding beauty and timelessness in every small detail of life. During the last few years, I have done a lot of ‘reflecting’ inwardly, learning more about the ‘why’ behind the ‘who’ that is me. This hasn’t been an easy journey and it has led to some novel awakenings that I had rather stayed asleep.
I won’t write about those right now.
Today, just like last year this time and twenty-seven years prior, I have spent this calendar day with the same person. She is my friend, my lover, the mother of my children, my biggest critic, my greatest champion, the patience giver, the best cook in the world, and the smartest (literally) and most talented, focused, driven, compassionate, and lovely soul that I’ve ever known: my bride.
Today is her 49th birthday.
“Reflecting” upon these years and even the last twelve months has led me to realize that there is much that changes in a person over time, thus there is much that changes in a relationship. Most humans agree with this. Yet, I have found within me a reflective bliss that is immovable. A bedrock of sorts that cannot shift, no matter what shockwaves come or aftershocks tarry, some things in life just don’t move for me.
Looking back often results in a keen sense of longing for good days or a sigh of regret toward better outcomes, saved hurts, or avoided pains. While these are truly present in every reflection, what looks back at us often is speaking about the present and where it leads toward a glorious tomorrow. If we aren’t careful we may miss or drown out the subtle whispers of a nearly divine experience of hope and joy concerning what WILL BE.
This is part of reflecting.
So, as I reflect on my journey with my lovely wife on her birthday, here are a few thoughts.
Some People Are Just Made to Go Through Life With Each Other
There exists an unspoken harmony between certain souls, a rhythm that dances through the chaos of life, effortlessly syncing with another's beat. It's a connection that defies explanation, rooted in an understanding so profound that words fall short. These individuals traverse the complexities of existence side by side, finding in each other a mirror, a steadfast companion through every season of life. Their journey together is a testament to the idea that some bonds are not just formed; they are destined. Even in times of discord we always found ways toward attunement.
Not Everyone Will Be in the Same Place at the Same Time
Life's journey is as diverse as the individuals who walk its paths. Each person treads their route, marked by a unique tempo and milestones that do not necessarily align with those of others. Acknowledging this diversity in experience and timing is crucial for fostering empathy and understanding. It reminds us that comparison is futile, for each soul is on a distinct voyage, uncovering their truths and challenges at their own pace.
Aging Is Not As Much About Winding Down as It Is About Gearing Up
Far from being a descent into obsolescence, aging emerges as a process rich with potential for growth and enrichment. As years accumulate, they bring not just a tally of time but a collection of experiences, wisdom, and insights that equip us for the next chapters of our lives. This phase is an invitation to embrace new challenges, to explore uncharted territories of the self, and to continue the never-ending journey of becoming. Ultimately, today is the first day of a new season that will yield much more than ever thought possible.
Much Does Change About a Person, But the Root of Their Character Often Deepens
While the surface may evolve, the essence of who we are tends to grow more defined. Life's trials and triumphs act as a crucible, refining our core, and revealing the bedrock of our character with greater clarity. This deepening is not a narrowing but an expansion, enriching our identity and enhancing our capacity for compassion, resilience, and authenticity.
Gratitude Changes
What begins as thankfulness for tangible blessings gradually transforms into a profound appreciation for the very essence of existence. This evolution of gratitude marks a shift towards existential thankfulness — a recognition of life itself as the ultimate gift. It’s a deeper, more encompassing form of gratitude that anchors us, providing strength and perspective through the ebb and flow of life’s fortunes. Being grateful for who one is with the excitement of the time spent is a wonderful foundation. Life is not so much about where we are going but where we are, and that means that today is the result of yesterday. So it's not all bad or good, it just is. I'm thankful for that.
Beauty Holds Fast in Some People, But the Real Beauty of a Soul Shines Through Every Outward Change
True beauty transcends the physical, manifesting instead through the spirit and actions of an individual. It's a luminosity that endures, unaffected by time or circumstance, revealing itself most vividly through kindness, strength, and integrity. This beauty is not diminished but rather illuminated by the changes that life brings, offering a beacon of what is truly valuable and enduring.
Safety and Honesty Prevail Over Novelty and Adventure
In the grand tapestry of human experience, the allure of the unknown has its place, yet it is the foundational qualities of safety and honesty that build lasting connections. These virtues form the bedrock of deep, meaningful relationships — safe havens in which souls can rest, grow, and flourish. It is within the boundaries of trust and openness that the most profound adventures of the heart unfold. It is here that one must truly seek to press and from there that one will overcome anything.
Every Little Breath Is an Adventure
Life’s very essence is found in its moments — not just those that fill us with ease and joy, but also those that challenge and constrict. Each breath, whether light or labored, is a part of the grand adventure of being. Even in discomfort, there is the promise of a new beginning, a fresh breath that sustains us, reminding us of the resilience and adaptability at the core of our being.
Gifts Become Simpler When We See Each Other as a Gift
As our perspective shifts, we begin to see the true value in the simplicity of presence, in the everyday exchanges that weave the fabric of our connections. Recognizing each other as the ultimate gifts transforms our understanding of giving and receiving. Every day becomes a celebration, every moment an opportunity to acknowledge the profound love that underpins our existence, guiding us towards a deeper appreciation for the now, for each other and the simple, yet profound, act of living.
Two weeks ago I penned a poem to Robyn. One line from that poem reads...
-Petals fall, stems brittle, shrill…
-Yet deeper settled my heart stands still.
-Love as life, the thrill.
The idea of finding the reflective hope of tomorrow has been a part of my life with Robyn for nearly three decades. Shortly after our wedding, she cross-stitched a quote from Browning, "Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be..." and on our 20th anniversary had a plaque made of the same.
The whole quote reads, "Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!"
As I bring these reflections to a close, my heart swells with gratitude—gratitude for the beauty of my wife in every sense, for her unwavering patience to grow old alongside me. In every word shared, every memory cherished, and every challenge faced together, I see the hand of the Lord, weaving our lives into a tapestry richer and more intricate than either of us could have imagined alone.
Our marriage, with its ebbs and flows, stands as a living testament to the gospel. It’s in the crucible of our union that we've learned the true essence of love—not just a feeling, but a commitment, a choice made day after day. Love that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love that never fails.
The hard times, those moments when the fabric of our togetherness seemed frayed, have taught us the most about what it means to love unconditionally. It's through these trials that we've come to understand the depth of the vow "in sickness and in health, for better, for worse." These challenges have not weakened our bond; rather, they have fortified it, teaching us that true love is not merely about sharing the easy, joyful moments, but about leaning into each other, and finding strength in our unity when the storm rages fiercest.
So, as I reflect on the journey my wife and I have embarked upon, I am profoundly thankful to the Lord for blessing me with such an extraordinary partner in life. Her grace, her strength, her beauty, both internal and external, illuminate my world and guide me closer to the divine. Together, we have built a life that, in its essence, mirrors the gospel—a narrative of love, redemption, and grace that endures through every season.
As we continue to navigate the path laid before us, may our marriage remain a beacon of the gospel's truth, a reminder that love, in its purest form, is the most powerful force of all. It's this love that transforms every moment into a gift, every challenge into an opportunity to grow closer, and every day into a testament of faith.
To my dearest Robyn, thank you for the beauty of your soul, for the light you bring into my life, and for the patience you've shown in every step of our journey together. Here's to the adventure that awaits us, with the steadfast love of the Lord as our guide.
I see you. I know you more.
My beloved is lovely... and for this, I am very glad.
This is a cross-post from my blog where I write some applied theology and other nonsense. My daughter’s substack is over at
- She doesn’t know this yet, but she’s a rock star much like her mother when it comes to the written word. I better stay on my toes. More to come.
I found myself taking refuge in this post of your's James. Like a long deep breath at the end of the day. What a lovely tribute and honoring of your partner. I most appreciated the section on Safety and Honesty Prevail Over Novelty. It does take time to get to that in my experience, but the rewards of that quiet fusion are immeasurable. I'm such a sucker for novelty, I feel utterly grateful to have stumbled into the longevity of our marital bond.