Worms crawling up your arms, furry, tickle as they inch upward…
Memories
The sensation of cornworms (caterpillars) crawling on your skin is neat and creepy. As a boy, harvest time was always a terror. We were not farmers but people leased our family’s land for crops and livestock. Most of which were corn and tobacco.
My stepfather, a builder of wood, dreamed of being a farmer but settled for a small, half-acre garden that required me and my brothers to provide essential labor. I hated most of the work: Weeding, pest control, pruning… most of all, harvesting.
The best part of those summer days was the tears drying on your face caused by gnats in your eyes. The bugs and dust in your nose and the rashes that made us look like plague victims added to the wonderful experience creating memories that only Norman Rockwell could paint.
Looking back, it was impressive that this small garden provided annual produce for about six households. At the age of 10, I hated it.
Despite the scarring trauma, I did love shucking corn.
Peeling back the husks and silks often led to the treasure inside. The normal variety cornworm, which looks a lot like a plain caterpillar, and the royal discovery of the tiny little green inchworm. These cute creatures walked with two sets of feet, one in the front and the other in the back, arching forward in classic style. They were small enough that you couldn’t distinguish any creaturely features, but only a cute wandering reach that reminded me of an adorable Jim Henson creation, like a tiny Kermit the Frog.
Moratorium
Today I was shucking a half bushel of corn to prepare for my wife tomorrow after church. One of her favorite foods on Earth is fresh creamed corn of the sweet variety. And I don’t mean she just likes it. As spiritual as the term “love” can be, she surely loves creamed corn. And to prepare it for her, as difficult as it is, is a blessing to me.
As I peeled through the husks, I remembered the little adventures of worm mining. I recalled the joy as a boy hoping to find a tiny “incher” but was just as delighted to gather a few dozen cornworms when the cricket cage was full of them. Yes, they converted well as fish bait.
Finding worms today wasn’t really on my list of priorities. They no longer had a place in the context of my joy. Had I cut one in half slicing the end off of the cob, I very well may have tossed the whole bunch. It’s amazing how things that once gave us joy can lose their place.
It happens in everything.
It depends on context.
It plays on perspective.
Hobbies, interests, music, food, and even people can be emotionally relocated. At times, this can even happen as we view ourselves. We can lose the joy of who we are and when this happens, it’s hard to have any emotional or mental energy to find the joy of loving anything else. Especially other people.
Discovering how to rekindle our joy in dying things often starts with understanding that we still hold a passion for them. It’s also vital to note that sometimes our lack of passion comes from misdirection to other important, but not ultimate priorities.
What can we do to rekindle joyful reminders that have seemingly run their course?
MAKE A LIST
Think about the things you used to love. Write them down. This exercise will help you remember things long forgotten. If it’s a hobby, write down why you loved it. If it was a relationship, remember the context that gave you the most joy. This list isn’t a time to think deeply but is a chance to get a snapshot of who you are versus who you once were.
MEASURE THE LOVE
So the list is made, now it’s time to scratch off things you just don’t care about anymore. Or, for some of us, there could be things on the list that are not viable due to age, ability, or attitude. Only you can make that determination. Whatever is left, ask, “Would I still love doing this?” If so, keep it. If not, then scratch it off.
MIMIC THE LONGING
Remind yourself of the emotion and feeling you had when you enjoyed these things. Embrace it. Think about it and consider how you would feel again if you experience these interests once more. Being mindful and focused on these feelings can create a sense of interest. You might be surprised by what you discover.
MAKE A LANE
This is simple. Just make a decision to put some of these things back in your life and create space for them. Don’t make it a heavy lift, but rather and decisive and joyful interest to which you would want to return. Turn on your blinker, and make the exit.
Life is hard.
Let’s look at the simple things that have given us so much joy.
I’m making a “Middle School Bucket List” right now. I realized today that I have never done anything spontaneous, silly, or just for the sake of having a good time. There’s always been a deeper reason for everything. While this sounds wise and prudent, it has given me a slap in the face lately and made me realize that all the outcomes and intimacy that I’ve so longed to hold close and keep are best found in the shared experiences, stories, and memories.
So, I’m gonna write a short list of things I want to do as if I’m eleven. Then do them with my ten-year-old.
Ah, here’s a little worm now… let’s watch him crawl a bit. Hey Abby…..!
I write about life and what it means to live it. I have deeply felt emotions and ideas that can get in the way of productivity. Most of all, I am crippled by the emotions I feel when around others. But, I am healed of these things controlling me. I am learning daily to rest and live a fulfilled life, without worry or fear. I’m here. Feel free to ask me how you can have the same freedom and joy. After all, I am the slayer of sadness. ;)
Your thought about never having done "anything spontaneous, silly, or just for the sake of having fun," resonated with me. Back in February, I had a friend text me late one Wednesday evening. He said he was going to take a day-trip to Wilmore, KY to personally observe and participate in the Asbury Awakening/Revival/Outpouring...whatever label you want to place on it, and he asked if I wanted to go. Of course, my initial reaction was, "Are you kidding? It's the height of tax season. There's no way I can take off work to do that." His response was, "I'm leaving about 2:00 tomorrow and I'll be coming back home Friday evening, if you change your mind." Long-story short, I did something spontaneous. I called him at 11:30 on Thursday morning and we left my house around 2:30 on Thursday afternoon. As much as I enjoyed the experience of being in that atmosphere, I truly believe that just doing it - dropping all of the responsibilities that I thought couldn't wait - triggered something in me that has given me a renewed sense of adventure and the permission to pursue it. Since then, I've been to California, Tennessee, Indiana, and have a trip planned to Alaska in July/August. Life doesn't wait. The time will never be any better than it is right now. Let your 11-year old self loose and recapture the joy of living and seeing the world through eyes of a 10-year old. Thanks for sharing this.